I am your father: A qualitative study on the perspective of a father with a homosexual son

• Main Author: Alberto, Paulina Patrice D.
• Format: text
• Language: English
• Published: Animo Repository 2015
• Subjects: Psychology
• Online Access: https://animorepository.dlsu.edu.ph/etd_bachelors/18107
• Institution: De La Salle University

In today's society, there are many emerging views and concepts that arise as our views as people become less liberal and more open towards different ideas and identities (Kuhar, 2007). The way people perceive concepts and identities about the world and themselves affect lifestyles (Kuhar, 2007). One of these new and emerging concepts is homosexuality it is anew self-concept that clashes with the traditional norms and views on sexuality. In a general sense, homosexuality is when an individual begins defining oneself as gay, having a self-image as homosexual, and has consistent behavior in relation to homosexual activity (Class, 2009). Studies have been made to further understand the meanings, norms and identities that have emerged (Solebello & Elliot, 2011). Homosexuality is an emerged unique identity that may or may not be accepted by the whole but has become a life form (Kuhar, 2007, p.36). This clashes with the said traditional views. Studying new identities like the one mentioned could lead to new and different mindsets that an individual can have for it. Homosexuality was also mentioned to be undesired trait and that in a more modern constructivist sense, homosexuality is a lifestyle (David, 1976). In this study, the researchers are studying the experiences of fathers who are fathering homosexual sons. The researchers aim to see the differences in the fathers perspective on fatherhood before, during, and after the sons disclosure. Fatherhood is the setting of norms passed by males down to their sons in order for them to be fathers that will pass down the same norms - this creates expectations. The father is the one responsible in teaching his so the standards of masculinity based on how his father raised him. A father's mentality always is Boys become fathers to sons who will ve fathers in the future (Cabrera, Tamis-LeMonda, Bradley, Hofferth & Lamb, 2000). There also is more investment in a father son relationship compared to one of a son and mother. Fathers also are more likely to spend more time with their sons than their daughters because the father is more invested and involved with the growth of his son. At certain developmental stage, proposed by Erik Erikson, is very important in each of their lives In the second developmental stage, the father influences the son's cognitive functioning. On the other hand, while doing so, the father's life satisfaction increases. And In contrast, Fatherhood increases the fathers fulfillment by simply fathering a son (Horn & Wong 2014). When it comes to a child disclosing their self-concept to the parents, it is such a big part of a parent's life (Consulta, Gonzalez & Macalinao, 2014). Some of the fathers in this study were not aware of their sons identity hence, making it a turning point in their lives since the son is said to be a representation of his father (Cabrera, Tamis-LeMonda, Bradley, Hofferth & Lamb, 2000). With ideas like that of each other, it can be said that expectations are created since fathers raise their sons based on how their fathers raised them. But, what happens when these expectations are not met or are completely different? Fathers play an important role in shaping their sons in a father and son relationship, it is called modeling. Father is the one responsible in teaching his son the standards of masculinity. This can also be thought unconsciously through exposure, by letting his son see his actions of how one man should act. He then teaches his son not only by telling him how or what to do, but also by being a model to him (Bucher, 2014). Having a good relationship with the child at an early stage may help the parents accept easier (Consulta, Gonzalez & Macalinao, 2014). Because of the expectations the father has, a son disclosing his homosexuality to his father is difficult because of his fear of rejection (Horn & Wong, 2014). Disclosure affects the social-emotional functioning and solidarity of parent-child relationship (Saltzburg, 2006). The study questions the perception of the father towards fatherhood before, during and after the coming out of the son. The study also questions what the relationship of the father and son before, during and after the coming out of the son. The researchers have considered a qualitative research for this study as it will be more suitable than a quantitative approach. This is so because a qualitative approach will give better insight about the topic at hand. The questions will be better answered and expounded as it will not be close-ended questions. The participants were able to fully tell their experience in full detail, getting a good idea of what it is like to be a father of a homosexual son. A qualitative study was also used for the reason that a father to a homosexual son will be a very unique experience - each participant will have different experiences with it and therefore, having different perceptions. Moreover, each experience will gather different data that is comprehensive that is needed to understand and grasp what is like to be a father with a homosexual son. Furthermore, the study used a narrative approach as the experience the participants have showed a chronological order - before, during and after the coming out process. The researchers have gathered participants through friends and connections. The participants were in the age range of 45-60 years old. Moreover, the participants were already aware of the son's homosexuality and were willing to share his thoughts and feelings towards the topic. The father participants were interviewed twice about their experiences. Both interviews were recorded, transcribed and analyzed. When analyzing the data, the researchers individually analyze the data and make themes for the key ideas of each participant. Next, the researchers gather to discuss their individual themes and then analyze as a group. This is done by comparing and contrasting the themes and discussing which would be included. The results have shown that the past researches and the data have similarities. The father's perception of fatherhood was different among the three phases (before, during and after the coming out). Before coming out, the father's perception of fatherhood was to provide for the son's needs. Saltzberg (2006) mentions that a father can already tell if there is something different (or not in the norm) with their sons at a young age. When a father is not secure about how well he knows his son, then there will definitely be a conflict that will result to an insecure relationship between father and son. Because of this, there was a distance in the relationship. The coming out of the son or the disclosure of homosexuality to the father jis not an easy task for the son. Because of the fear of rejection from the father, the son will usually keep a distance for awhile as he either tries to hide his identity more or tries to ready himself for the conversation (Horn & Wong, 2014). At this phase, the father is concerned about it because, it was mentioned, that some participants do not want the son to feel like he cannot open up some fathers noticed how different the son was around him. As Saltzberg's (2006) studies suggests, the coming out of the son affects the father-son relationship - which was evident in the results. During the coming out of the son, the perception of the father would be that fatherhood is passed down to the next generation. Basically, the father molds the son to his beliefs on life and especially how to be a man and ideally, a father as well. The participants would mention that they would question what they did wrong or if they were the reason behind the son's identity. This shows that the coming out of the son has affected the way the father sees himself to his son (Solebello & Elliot, 2011 Salzberg, 2006). This results to a disapproving relationship. Researches say that a father becomes disappointed after the son discloses his sexuality because of the expectations that the father would have that will not be met due to the new circumstances (Horn & Wong, 2014). After the coming out of the son, fatherhood is perceived as acceptance for who the son turns out to be. Moreover, acceptance is showed by the fathers through protection as well. Studies have shown that Filipino parents are protective (Morillo, H., Capuno, J., & Mendoza, A, 2013). Relating that idea to another study that says that fathers will worry about their sons and how others will perceive them and how others may not make life easy for their sons (Bucher, 2014). This in turn becomes a supportive relationship. The restoration of the relationship as the father can talk to the son about the realities of the son's homosexual realities and that the son is more comfortable with the father. Support is given by a father at the latter part of the phenomena, when the father is a bit more comfortable and once the idea has settled (Alfonso, 2003). For the future studies, the researchers would recommend to not limit themselves to just homosexual sons but to broaden towards the different LGBT community as this study focused on homosexual sons alone. Future researches can also take into account the religious beliefs and ethnicities when it comes to this topic as it will gather more unique insights. Another recommendation would be to gather more participants to fully grasp the experience of this topic."